Cruise Lines

In a variation on the buy one get one free deal, casual cruise line Ocean Village has a buy two, get a third and fourth free offer this autumn.

Put another way, when two people book a cabin, a third and fourth cruise for nothing. Not a bad offer when you think about it - although of course you do need to get on with numbers three and four as they have to share your cabin.

It means that four of you can cruise on the seven-night Emperors and Espresso cruise from Palma on September 15 for just £387 each (total price £1,550, divided by four) - and that includes flights, transfers and all meals.

There is one small catch - you do need to make up you mind quickly and book in July. See you travel agent, call 0845 4567 888 or the website for more details.

I'm really excited to be cruising with Crystal Cruises this summer but looks like I picked the wrong date.

If I had gone for the Venice-Barcelona run departing October 20, I could have been getting the there style experts on board to help me with my fashion sense.

Or lack of, perhaps I should say.

During the Fashion and Style cruise, experts will be offering one-on-one consultations, answering fashion dilemmas (but possibly not ones along the lines of "why doesn't my dress fit any more") and helping passengers develop their own sense of style. How useful that would have been!

The style gurus - Anna Wycoff and Gayle Davis - will also be talking about the evolution of European fashion in the 1950s and '60s, and hosting a themed 1950s fashion show.

Prices for the 12-night cruise, on the 1,073-passenger Crystal Serenity, start at £3,775 including flights and transfers, soft drinks and basic gratuities. And as you'll get $1,000 per person on-board credit as well, to spend on alcohol, spa treatments, shore excursions - really anything you want - you'll have virtually nothing more to spend.

To book, see your travel agent, call 020 7287 9040 or check out the website.

It was a case of one out, one in at Fincantieri's Monfalcone shipyard near Trieste this week. The "out" was P&O Cruises' Azura, which was floated out last Friday, freeing up the dry dock for the "in" - Cunard's new Queen Elizabeth.

Construction started at a keel-laying ceremony yesterday, when the first section of the ship's hull was laid in the dry dock.

The section is made up of six pre-manufactured blocks, weighs 364 tons and is fitted with 104 tons of pipes, cables, insulation and other equipment. Once another 52 have been put into place and they have done a bit of work on the inside, the ship will go from looking like this...

to this...

The shipyard has 15 months to get the vessel looking ship shape and ready to depart on its maiden cruise, which leaves Southampton on October 12 and sold out in a record-breaking 29 minutes, 14 seconds back in April - before work has even started on the vessel.

Now that's loyalty.

Proving that glitz isn't everything, the 800-passenger Marco Polo, which cruises from Tilbury in London, has beaten off ships with lavish theatres and big entertainment budgets to come number three in Cruise.co.uk's reader surveys.

Actually it was at number at the start of the week, but these scores change faster than Yulana Plotvinova changed her clothes on Crown Princess last summer.

At the time it was brought to my attention, Marco Polo was number one with 4.29 points out of 5. As I write this, it is number three with 4.23, behind Cunard and Thomson, but ahead of Princess, Royal Caribbean, Ocean Village and P&O Cruises.

If you want to see what all the fuss is about, there are always bargains to be had on Marco Polo. How about an 11-night cruise around the British Isles departing July 26 for £699 per person? And there are no gratuities to pay. At that price, you can't afford not to trade up to an outside cabin, which is just £100 more.

Katy Setterfield, who won the BBC TV series The One and Only as Dusty Springfield will be performing on board. Call 0845 833 9798 or check out the website for more information. 

Less than a week after Peter Deilmann announced the imminent demise of its river cruise operation, its ocean-going vessel, Deutschland, arrived in London on a round-Britain voyage.

The vessel was moored in the Thames at Greenwich, it's usual spot by Tower Bridge having been closed. That's a real shame for passengers, who still had to tender ashore when they were by the bridge but at least they didn't have to negotiate the DLR once on dry land.

With river cruising almost gone - it finishes at the end of the season in October 2009 - Deilmann is pinning its hopes on Deutschland and ocean-going cruising, and especially the US and UK markets, which are seen as the growth markets.

The problem is, Deutschland feels very German, which could put off most Brits (although there were four on board, I am told, who had travelled to Hamburg to join the ship and sail back to the UK).

It comes across in the name of the ship (and the names of some lounges and restaurants - Berlin, Lili Marleen), which helpfully is on the chairs so you'll never forget where you are (as the average age is 72 maybe that is considered a possibility)...

...the fact that so many passengers are German or German-speaking and the slightly decadent, verging on kitsch, very 1930s Germany decor. This is the Terrasse Lounge (note the statues), below is the ballroom, below again the Old Fritz Pub.

The spa is interesting. This is called a Kraxen Oven and it is basically a sauna for people who don't do saunas (with apologies to Ocean Village). You sit here with a towel covering your front half and the hay behind is heated, which in turn heats the top half of your body. It costs €5 for 15 minutes.

And this is Cleopatra's Bath. It's filled with either goat's milk or coconut milk and you can lie here for half an hour with a glass of Champagne and the one you love (they reckon two can fit in it), doing oodles of good to your skin. It costs €45 for 30 minutes, but I suspect that excludes the bubbly.

I have to admit I was not a great fan of the ship when I first saw it a few years back, but it has grown on me. The little bit of service I experienced in my very short time on board was lovely - the passenger-facing crew all speak good English - and I was impressed with the food.

I also loved the fact there are nuts on tap in the Terrasse throughout the day. Such a mark of civilisation, but a bit of a killer where the diet is concerned. It's probably also one of the reasons why the average per diem is an eye-watering £250. And that excludes drinks.

You don't have to be elderly to cruise on Deutschland, but if you need to find that kind of money, it certainly helps.

Who says Carnival's Fun Ships are only for young people? A 90-year-old Californian resident, Isaac Levy, has been sailing on the line's four-day Baja Mexico itinerary every month for the past 14 years.

Unfortunately the story, from Carnival, does not relate why Levy has only ever sailed this route. Incredibly, he has done it almost 100 times.

Mini cruises are usually a good testing ground for first-timers to decide if they would like a cruise, but surely he should have decided by now.

The trouble with a four-night cruise is that there is just not enough time to report from the ship. I got off Holland America Line's Eurodam in Dover early yesterday (Friday) morning and have a day at home to get myself organised and am then off again.

But more on that later.

Eurodam is a nice ship. I thought so when I saw it in Southampton last year and have not been disappointed this time around. It's a comfortable size, certainly not overwhelming, with some nice design features.

I loved these bar stools and the cabanas pictured below, which are by the pool. The pool area itself It has a roof that opens when the weather is nice. Must admit I was amused to see they had opened it on our cruise, when it really wasn't very warm - so everyone was wrapped up under their towels!

You can rent these cabanas by the day - $30 a day on a port day, $50 a day on a sea day, which buys you this private area (you can shut the curtains), an iPod with pre-selected music, the towels and bathrobes, chilled bottled water, a fuit basket, glass of house champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and more.

I was surprised how well used they were, even on our cruise, especially give the weather was so overcast. It's not cheap and you would feel you have to stay there all day to get your money's worth. I'm afraid I would find that too boring.

I am less sure about these other cabanas, higher up the ship and with a view of, well, the retractable roof. Surely it makes more sense to book a cabin or suite with a balcony and sit on that - at least you get a view of the sea.

I was also intrigued by this - as in why did anyone think it looked nice? There were several suggestions as to what it looks like, some of them not printable in a family blog. You almost expect it to start moving.

The thing that disappointed me most though, was the service. I have already reported that my cabin didn't get turned down the first night (it did subsequent evenings, I'm pleased to say, but was never made up in the mornings until well, the afternoon).

I should add here that it really doesn't matter to me personally if it is or isn't turned down. I can switch off lights, shut curtains and turn down the bed myself. But the point is that these things should happen automatically on a premium cruise line.

Most of the crew were charming and polite, with a cheery hello if you passed them on the stairs, but every now and then there was one that let the side down, forgetting that a smile and "hello" is a nice way to greet someone who is about to spend money with you. That was a shame.

One of Holland America's proudest features is its culinary arts centre, where chefs put on "how-to" demos. Our cruise had guest chef Jeremy Bloor, top man at the OXO Tower in London, on board to show off his cookery skills.

The kitchens are impressive - apparently they cost $1 million each to install - but they do need a chef with the gift of the gab to get the show going. HAL should see if Jamie Oliver fancies a cruise with the family!

This is a new one on me. A pub crawl on Holland America Line's Eurodam. It certainly beat another night in the theatre or listening to the rather tuneless piano man.

The pub crawl cost $20 per person and visited four bars with a different cocktail served in each. Helpfully this guy was on hand to make sure everyone got to the right place.

As I am no lover of cocktails, another journalist and I decided to crawl after the crawlers, so to speak, enjoying the fun but indulging in our preferred tipple.

Last stop the nightclub, where it all fizzled out, which was a shame as I reckon this has the makings of a good idea. Maybe with a different beer instead of an over-fruity and under alcoholic cocktail at each bar next time though.

After the fun, if soggy, bike ride in Belgium, yesterday's excursion in Cherbourg was disappointing, to say the least.

I thought originally it was my bad choice, except that other journalists with me on this Eurodam mini-cruise, who went on different trips, said the same thing. I'm not sure when - or if - Holland America Line will be back this way again, but I reckon it's something that needs to be addressed first.

Mine was an excursion around the Val de Saire region to the east of Cherbourg, with stops in the harbour towns of Barfleur and St Vaast la Hougue, and starting with a visit to a lighthouse, which we stood and looked at because there was no time to go up it (and anyway I doubt few people on my coach would have been able to climb the 350 steps to the top). It was a really pointless exercise.

Our guide was Nicole, who was the mistress of no information (which I suppose was better than another journo's excursion with a guide who was the master of mis-information, and this about the Second World War).

In fact the most interesting thing I discovered was that the British so annihilated the French military fleet at St Vaast la Hougue in 1693 that the French never really recovered their sea power. Nicole's observation, not mine.

Getting back on the ship, I noticed we were moored right next door to La Cite de la Mer, which I have visited previously and thoroughly recommend if you are ever passing this way. It's an aquarium, and a very good one, but the highlight is being able to go aboard the Redoutable, a submarine now open to the public.

A truly unforgettable experience, the brochure says. How right. I will never forget how claustrophobic it felt. The sleeping areas make cruise ship bathrooms look like pure luxury. And sailors live in this confined area under the sea. Scary. And just a little humbling as well.

This morning we are anchored off St Peter Port in Guernsey. The announcement came at 7am (ridiculously early) to say we could now go ashore, along with the long instruction of how you have to get a tender ticket and wait to be called. Blah, blah.

At 8am there was another announcement, saying this really was the best time to go as there are absolutely no queues but it will be really busy at 9am. We've just had the 9am one and guess what? It's still the best time to go.

I hope they get some takers as we've bothered to come all the way here.

Italian line MSC Cruises now has 10 ships after taking delivery of MSC Splendida at a ceremony at the STX Europe shipyard in St Nazaire, France.

The ship will be named in Barcelona on Sunday July 12 by serial MSC godmother Sophia Loren.

The vessel is a sister to MSC Fantasia, which was named in Naples last December, and holds 3,274 passengers, or 3,959 when all berths are taken.

At the moment Splendida is on a pre-christening cruise. It has visited Vigo, Lisbon, Malaga and is in Mallorca, in Palma, today, alongside MSC Fantasia, an event  MSC has likened to a "phenomenon that can only be compared to an astronomical marvel". That's what I love about MSC. Never knowingly overstated.

If the captain recovers enough from this miracle to drive the ship, Splendida will be sailing to Marseille tonight, arriving in Barcelona on Saturday July 11, where it will be based for the rest of the summer.

When I went down to the theatre on Holland America's Eurodam to pick up a sticker for my cycling excursion from Zeebrugge I was sure they would say it was cancelled.

While working in my cabin, I had been watching my balcony flood with all the rain that was pouring down. Even if that didn't put them off, surely the fact that I was wearing a pair of sandals (wot, no protection for your toes!) would break all the health and safety rules.

Wrong on both counts. So an hour later, I found myself in Bruges, doing some practice turns on my bike during a break in the clouds. There were quite a few such breaks, and the sun even came out at times, which was very welcome as in between, we looked like a group of drowned rats.

Actually despite the rain, the trip was really good. Jos, the manager of the bike company QuasiMundo in front, Rony, who had picked us up at the port, bringing up the rear and doing a grand job of stopping the traffic by taking off his clothes and lying in the road.

OK, that was Jos' joke. But Rony really did stop the traffic for us when we needed to get over roads - just a formality really as the Belgian drivers are all very polite and stop anyway when they see a bike (actually I think it has a lot to do with the fact they are always to blame if they hit a cyclist, but whatever, it works).

Our bike ride took us from Bruges to Damme, a thriving port until the entrance from the sea silted up and the port was moved to Zeebrugge. Now it's a pretty little village with a handful of people and cobbled streets, which are not a lot of fun when you're on a bike.

On the way we learned that Belgian Blue cows are white and have been so inbred to create stocky little cows with lots of meat that they can't give birth naturally and always have to have a caesarean. We learned about windmills, bridges on ropes that are rolled up to let boats through, the canals around the city that were dug by Napoleon (there's me in front of one, in one of my drier moments) and the German officer who became a hero because he ignored orders given in the last war to destroy Bruges.

Jos was very lavish in his praise for our cycling abilities, which struck me as strange until he explained a lot of people come on the tours who can't ride a bike. How odd is that?

Back on board Eurodam, I sat in while Diana Moran, otherwise known as the Green Goddess, gave an inspiring talk on the importance of staying fit and healthy despite growing old. As I had just cycled about 15km, I felt very virtuous.

Next stop on this mini-cruise is Cherbourg, where hopefully the weather will be a little kinder.

The port of Dover was at its most awkward when I turned up yesterday to board Holland America Line's Eurodam. The man at the gate sent me down to the terminal where someone would give me further instruction.

There was indeed somone else to give me instruction. It was to drive back to the entrance and park in the red car park. I asked why, given I was talking to the man within easy walking distance of terminal 2 and right next to some parking spaces. "Because that is what we are doing," was the reply. Don't you just love jobsworths?

Anyway, by the time I got to the terminal, it resembled the Marie Celeste, so I was able to check in and get on board fast, which was excellent.

My cabin is comfortable but not nearly as grand as the one I had when I was on Eurodam in Southampton last summer (luckily I am cruising alone because by the time I had spread myself out, as I have a bad habit of doing, there is no room for anyone else!), but this time there are real passengers on board so naturally they have been allowed to snap up the best accommodation.

As I say, the cabin is comfortable and the bed is supersoft, but there are a few strange things for a line that calls itself a premium brand. I've got shampoo, conditioner, bath gel and soap in the bathroom, but no body lotion. There's a mini bar but it's locked.

Last night before I went to dinner, my room steward gave me a form to order room-service breakfast, a card reminding me the clocks go forward an hour and two chocolates. And that was the last time he came in my room. When I got back after dinner - we ate in the main dining room and my meal was very good, by the way - all the lights were still on, the curtains were open and the bed was just as I had left it.

It wouldn't have been so bad except I just put the bundle of stuff he gave me to one side and promptly forgot, however many hours later when I went to bed, to change my clock.

I'm assuming the lack of a turndown was because these guys are super busy on the first night. I'll let you know what happens tonight.

Holland America Line's Eurodam leaves Dover today for the cruise line's first round-trip sailing from the UK - and I'll be on board.

It's only a short cruise - four nights visiting Zeebrugge in Belgium, Cherbourg in France and St Peter Port in Guernsey - but it's been so popular that HAL has been inspired to do more from the UK next year.

In May and June 2010 there will be three full-length cruises, also on Eurodam, visiting the Baltic and Norwegian fjords.

I last saw Eurodam when it visited Southampton for one night last year just before sailing to Holland to be named so it will be good to see it again and get more of an impression.

Keep checking in for my thoughts on the ship and the destinations.

And while we're on the subject of Ocean Village....

The casual cruise line for people who don't do cruises is now asking passengers to put on their party best for a Big Night Out.

It's all in the aid of having fun though - you can still leave the DJs and ballgowns at home - and designed to encourage passengers to stay up late (presumably because if stay up they will keep spending, which all helps the on-board revenue).

There's one Big Night Out per cruise. In a nutshell, passengers nominate themselves or a fellow cruiser to be the ship's Godmother for the night. As the fizz flows, the captain draws a name and the winner gets to say the immortal words "I name this ship..." and smash a bottle against the ship's bow (OK, a mock-up of the bow - they are at sea you know!) as confetti explodes from above.

Bet the crew will just love that.

There's a celebration cake, more fizz, a celebratory dinner, a movie quiz and a late night party in the nightclub with a New Year style countdown to midnight.

A sort of formal night for people who don't do formal I guess.

I said before I left the UK for this Lindblad cruise around Svalbard that I wanted to see Polar bears and I have not been disappointed.

The first was spotted just after breakfast on the first morning, the second just after lunch, as we were on our way to the end of a fjord to go kayaking. Yes, as well as Zodiacs to take us ashore there's a fleet of infatable kayaks on board our ship, National Geographic Explorer.

The expedition team strings a platform between two Zodiacs and then we can get in and out of the kayaks with ease - well almost.

Unfortunately the rudder on the one Ilana and I were in got stuck so we spent a long time going around in circles! Finally someone came and took the rudder out of the water, which helped, but we are not planning to enter any kayaking competitions just yet.

We were warned not to go too close to the big icebergs, which was useful as one split and then turned over. Spectacular but a little scary when you are underneath. But it was fun trying to kayak over the small bits of ice.

We were also kitted out with emergency alarms in case a Polar bear came up to the kayak. They are a constant danger so the expedition team guides always carry guns when taking us on hikes ashore. This is Jason, our guide, on a short tour ashore yesterday.

But back to the bear spotting. This morning's 7am call alerted us to yet another Polar bear, so it was on with the hats, gloves and cameras. This was the picture I got with the help of a telescope and my camera zoom (naturally the ship doesn't get too close and upset the animals).

What a great way to start the day.

I've never had a cabin so low down on a ship as on Lindblad's National Geographic Explorer.

My daughter and I are at the very front of the vessel, as low as it is possible to go if you are a passenger - neither places I would choose to be. I just hope we don't hit bad weather as we will be the first to feel it!

The cabin has a pole - guess it's a structural thing rather than decor - and a tiny porthole, which is really not great as you can't enjoy the views and it is always dim in there (it looks bright in the picture as the sun was shining in - but we haven't seen sun for two days!).

The other drawback for me is that you either have to close the porthole at night, in which case the room is too dark for me (I always sleep with cutains a bit open on a cruise ship), or leave it open, in which case it is too light to sleep (there is 24-hour daylight up here). However, we have discovered that a towel, drapped over the window, works to dim the light enough.

On the plus side we have a huge shower, which is wonderful, and bath robes and slippers, which seem a little incongruous but did a sterling job this afternoon when we returned wet and cold from a fabulous non-landing Zodiac cruise, of which more later.

Walking along the corridors at cleaning time I have been able to spot bigger and better cabins, and ones with proper picture windows. Yesterday, as we were returning in the Zodiacs from a walk on shore, I spotted some balconies.

OK, so it's too cold to sit out on them up here in the frozen wastes of Svalbard but how lovely to have the view.

We're sailing up the east coast of the island of Spitbergen, ice floes all around us and feeling the occasional loud thud as we hit one, on day two of my cruise in Svalbard. And what a couple of days it has been.

Wildlife tally so far: Three Polar bears, two walrus, one Arctic fox and lots of birds (some people are getting very excited about seeing Kittiwake gulls, but I'm afraid unless we see eagles, vultures or the like, they are all just birds to me).

"It's not really a cruise ship," one of my breakfast companions observed when, as was inevitable, we got onto the subject of cruising over the eggs and bacon this morning. I know what he means.

As the name suggests, our ship, the National Geographic Explorer, is very much geared for exploration - we have Zodiacs on board to take us on landings, at dinner we turn up in the jeans and jumpers we have been wearing all day and we are woken at 7am by the expedition leader, broadcasting in all the cabins.

On the other hand, there are Filipino crew, there is plenty of food and someone comes and cleans our cabin each morning and turns down the beds every night. So it must be a cruise ship.

After landing in Longyearbyen on Sunday, we had a tour of the town with Claudio. Not a very Norwegian name, I remarked. That's because I come from Italy, he replied. He makes this remote outpost, population 2,000, his home in summer and was full of information.

The town, which owes its existence to coal mining, sits on permafrost, which means the houses don't have any footings and pipes have to run on top of the ground.

It also means that dead bodies have to be flown to Tromso, on the Norwegian mainland, because they can't be buried deep enough. This was discovered when coffins in the graveyard started to pop out of the ground. There is a hospital, but it's for emergencies only. Any routine stuff also necessitates a flight to Tromso.

This Polar bear sign outside town is a constant reminder not to wander off alone without a gun. Apparently it's the only sign in the world with a black background! Wonder why...

First P&O Cruises reported record sales for its long voyages for 2011 - 1,374 passengers booked on the first day on sale, July 1, and more than 1,000 of those for a full circumnavigation.

Now Cunard says first-day sales for its 2011 world cruise programme, also on July 1, were up a recession-defying 150% compared to last year.

It's terrific news given the experts tell us we are in the grip of a global economic crisis. I suspect people are just fed up with the bad news and determined to have some fun instead of sitting watching their money earn paltry interest.

Interestingly, P&O reports increased demand from first-timers. Now that's brave. Imagine booking a three-month cruise and discovering you didn't like cruising. My advice always would be to try a seven-nighter first just to make sure.

The record demand could, of course, also have something to do with the prices -book with P&O and you can see the world from £6,899 per person - and the fact P&O and Cunard have come out with something a bit different for world cruisers in 2011.

P&O has four long voyages, including an 84-night cruise on Oriana that sets sail in September 2010 instead of the usual post-New Year departure (OK, so it really shouldn't be in the 2011 programme, but they did that, not me).

Cunard will be offering its first circumavigation on new ship Queen Elizabeth, but also a veritable Queen cruise-fest - voyaging from Southampton to New York on Queen Victoria, New York to Sydney on Queen Elizabeth and Sydney to Southampton on Queen Mary 2.

One day at home after Eurodam and now I'm off to Spitsbergen. It's a one-week cruise, departing from Longyearbyen and going wherever the ice allows us in search of Polar bears and big bergs. I'm cruising with Lindblad, which is sold in the UK through Titan Tours.

As I write this I am waiting for their VIP home transfer service taxi to arrive and whisk me to the airport. How civilised is that?

I would say it's the only cruise I've ever been on where Wellington boots were on the packing list, except that I had to take them when I cruised to Antarctica. You need them for getting out of the Zodiacs as the chances are you'll have to wade through icy water to get ashore.

My daughter is with me on this one - a teenager, so she'll be able to report on the cruise from her perspective.

I've already been warned that the internet might be sticky, so don't be surprised if there are not regular posts, but I'll do my best so keep checking in.

Inevitably, the norovirus outbreak on Marco Polo last week has sparked a "how clean is your ship" debate on Cruise.co.uk. You can read the official cruise ship inspection scores and pick up tips on how to have a healthy cruise.

Reading the comments, it's amazing how paranoid people are and what lurid tales they have. I wonder how they dare to go on a cruise. And how do they get on at home, where there are no crew washing and cleaning day and night to keep surfaces clean?

Personally I have a theory that one of the problems generally is that we are all so clean these days that our systems have no immunity when faced with a dirty bug.

Not that I'm advocating we all give up washing or cleaning, you understand. For my part, I never touch the bannisters on a ship (if it's rocky, an steadying elbow or sleeve does the trick) and am very careful opening public toilet doors, having seen too many people who do not wash their hands. Sad to say, while the kids are often blamed, it is usually the older women who don't bother.

I have to say I have been very impressed with the way Bremen-based Transocean Tours has handled the outbreak on Marco Polo, with regular updates on what is happening and no attempt to cover up the severity of the outbreak.

The latest news is that Marco Polo arrived in Tilbury this morning and will be cleaned from stem to stern, inspected and hopefully cleared to depart as planned on July 14 for a 12-night Baltic cruise.

Yesterday, all passengers on the curtailed cruise - the ship had been moored up at Invergordon since Monday July 6, when the bug struck, and have now just returned to Tilbury - were told they will get a full refund of the cost of the cruise, a refund for all their beverage expenses and a 50% off voucher to put against another Marco Polo cruise from the UK.

The company has also said it will continue investigating the cause of the virus outbreak, which is quite unusual in the summer. Suppose they find a passenger brought it on, which is highly likely. Someone is going to feel awful.

A genuine question here. Can anyone tell me why you have to register with reception, sorry guest services, if you plan to carry your luggage off the ship at the end of the cruise?

All cruise ships want you off asap so they can get ready for the next lot of passengers, so why make a big deal if someone is prepared to get off themselves? Are they really ever going to insist you can't leave? I don't think so.

Holland America Line was the last ship I was on where it was "a must", but they all do it. I was given this slip (at least it says disembarkation and not the awful de'bark the Americans usually use), which had to be shown at the gangway as I left.

Guess what? None of the crew at the gangway on Eurodam was in the slightest bit interested that I was leaving the ship and certainly no one asked to see the piece of paper. So it can join the pile of others I have at home (that is a joke - I'm really not that sad!).

Holland America is adopting an eco-friendly Express Docs ticketing system on September 1, cutting out the need to send passengers bulky ticket holders whose sole purpose is to make a corporate statement on behalf of the individual cruiseline. Plastic? Oh dear. Leather-look? Must be good.

Under the new system, agents (or passengers if you book direct) will be notified by email that Express Docs have been issued. The email has a link to a website to complete an on-line check-in form. Once done, an express boarding pass and e-ticket can be printed.

Everyone booked on the cruise then has to turn up at the port with a print-out of the boarding pass and at least one e-ticket per cabin. Luggage tags, to attach to bags so they can be delivered to the correct cabin, will be available at the port.

The only exception is those booked on a Grand Voyage or Alaska CruiseTour, who carry on as now.

But how simple is all that? And eco-friendly, with no wasted paper and no fuel expended getting documents delivered around the country.

This sort of change is long overdue - after all I can check in for a British Airways flight on line and just turn up at the airport with a passport and printed boarding pass; so why not for a cruise?

Instead, invariably before each cruise I receive a fat wallet stuffed with mountains of paper, which usually goes straight for recycling as I really don't need to be told how to get on and off a ship, what to wear or how to pack. Yes I cruise a lot, but I suspect most people can work these things out for themselves. As for luggage labels. How many bags do they think one person needs for a seven-night cruise?

At the end of the day, all you need to take is the cruise ticket and that's what goes in my bag.

I have to say Lindblad Expeditions, with whom I've just cruised in Svalbard, is the worst culprit, not only sending me reams of paper about the cruise, much of it useless as it applied to the American travellers, but then sending the exact same information in a separate wallet and in a separate envelope to my daughter. And both had to come across the Atlantic.

Some have already chaged to a more eco-friendly system, but ironically, the best cruise lines often earn their stars because they forgot to send me the paperwork!

In May, my family and I turned up in Southampton for a cruise on Ventura without a ticket (I actually thought it was part of the excursion booklet so hadn't bothered chasing) or any luggage labels. Guess what? There was a man at a desk in front of the terminal handing out labels and they managed to check me and my family in without a ticket.

Just shows, it can be done. So let's see if they can't all start to do it.

This was the sight greeting onlookers in Southampton yesterday - Celebrity Cruises' new ship Celebrity Equinox arriving in the port for the first time.

The ship will be staying here until July 31, allowing travel agents, consumers and the press to crawl all over it (not too literally I hope, although I'm sure there will be plenty of bubbly doing the rounds to celebrate the occasion) and get a taste for 2010, when sister ship Celebrity Eclipse, still under construction, will be based in Southampton and sailing for the British market.

On July 29, while still in Southampton, it will be named by Nina Barough, who founded the Walk the Walk breast cancer charity. Two days later it's off to the Norwegian fjords for its maiden cruise and then it'll be leaving the UK and taking up its summer residence in Civitavecchia, the port for Rome.

The ship cost £700 million to build, weighs 122,000 tons and carries 2,850 passengers, and has a half-acre lawn on top. I'm on board on Sunday and again for the naming next week and am looking forward to seeing whether the grass has greened up at all since my last visit, for the conveyance out of the shipyard and down the River Ems in Germany.

Norwegian Epic, the well, epic, new ship being built by Norwegian Cruise Line, was floated out last weekend, tugged from the dry dock at STX Europe's shipyard in St Nazaire, France, down the Loire Estuary to a new mooring at the outfitting dock, where STX will start work on the interior.

The ship, 153,000 tons and with room for 4,200 passengers, is due to be delivered in late May 2010 and after a short stop in the UK, will head across the Atlantic to start a series of seven-night Eastern and Western Caribbean itineraries from Miami starting July 17 2010.

 The ship I am sailing on in Svalbard, Lindblad's National Geographic Explorer, was once a passenger/vehicle ferry called Lyngen that sailed the Norwegian coast between Bergen to Kirkenes for Hurtigruten.

It was acquired in 2007 by Lindblad, a US company that specialises in small ship exploration cruises, completely gutted so instead of carrying 500 passengers it carries 148, and had a super class 1A ice-strengthened hull added that can take on sea ice.

Or at least that's what the captain told us as we smashed our way through the ice floes. And I guess I am still here to tell the tale.

The ship itself is simple but functional, designed to ensure you never walk in a straight line, as one passenger observed!

There is a lounge, an observation lounge-cum-library, a sauna and two spa rooms where you can have all sorts of treatments with fun names such as Marine Iguana salt glow and Sea Lion relaxation massage. I had a very deep Humpback Whale deep tissue massage.

There are two bars and one restaurant where you help yourself to breakfast and lunch, and dinner is served. It's always open dining, so we can sit with different people each night; dinner is served in one sitting, usually at 7.30pm.

Where the car deck used to be is the mud room, possibly the most important place on the ship, as this is where you get on and off the inflatable zodiacs that take you ashore. The ship carries 11 ordinary zodiacs, one with a glass bottom and a last one used to take a remotely-operated camera deep down to see what's happening below the surface.

We've had three film shows courtesy of David, who even went diving one morning to bring us footage.

Each day we have had a wake-up call at 6.30am to 7am, during the day there are non-landing zodiac cruises that get us up close to glaciers or icebergs, or go in search for seals, hikes ashore, hours spent looking for - and watching - Polar bears and whales, and talks. And of course the chance to have a spa treatment.

All very exhausing - at least the business of getting ready is, as you lots of need layers of clothes, hats and gloves to stave off the cold.

By 10pm each night, unless there is a walrus or bear sighting, the ship has been like the Marie Celeste as everyone is in bed getting ready for the next busy day.

Day two of our cruise in Svalbard, the inflatables were lowered into the water and we all went on a non-landing zodiac cruise in search of wildlife.

No sooner had we cast off from our ship, Lindblad's National Geographic Explorer, than we hit the jackpot - three walruses sitting on an iceberg apparently only too content to have their pictures taken.

They are frighteningly big animals. Mike, our zodiac driver and one of the expedition team photographers on board the ship, was getting very nervous when two slid into the water and disappeared from sight, leaving this one to pose for us.

Just to make sure we shared his concern, he said a walrus had been known to rip open the bottom of a zodiac. With those tusks, I guess it's not such a surprise. After we had all duly ooohed and aaahed, we carried on shooting. After all, how many times do you get a chance to take a picture like this?

Next day we were due to go ashore but plan A had to be abandonned when a Polar bear was spotted where we were going to walk. So we reverted to plan B - a landing on the island of Barentsoya.

Ilana and I did the long walk - about three hours - with Richard at the front, armed with a gun, and Jen at the rear, also armed, to make sure there are no stragglers as they are the ones most likely to be picked off by a bear. The rules are strict here. You stick with your group at all times; once you set off on a walk, there is no turning back.

For those less mobile, there are short and medium walks, and even photography walks, which you might spend 30 minutes snapping a flower so you need to be keen!

Back on board we continued north, cruised through a narrow channel known as the Worm Hole because of the way the currents twist and turn, and into what they call the East Side.

It was colder and more barren than where we had come from but produced more Polar bear sightings, including a mother and cub and this little guy, who we caught having breakfast. He then came right up to the side of the ship, quite unperturbed by the giant blue and white thing that had been breaking up his ice.

We found him after our breakfast and spent about two hours watching him, by which time my feet and hands were frozen. And then I spotted one of the expedition team guys wearing flip-flops. I'm still intrigued to think anyone would even think of packing a pair to go to the Arctic!

I always thought Svalbard was the Norwegian name for Spitsbergen and that therefore the two were interchangeable. Now I am here I have learned I was wrong as they mean two quite different things.

Svalbard is the name of the archipelago of islands, north of Norway, while Spitsbergen is one of the islands in the archipelago.

Svalbard was discovered in 1596 by a Dutchman, Willem Barentz, who, I'm assuming, is the same person who gave his name to the water north of Russia and east of this archipelago. It has been governed by Norway since the 1920s, but belongs to no one country.

Longyearbyen is the capital of Spitsbergen (and the archipelago as there isn't much other human life around here), is home to about 2,000 people and is named after an American, John Mason Longyear, who founded it in 1906 as a base for coal mining. Byen means town and was added when Svalbard came under Norwegian governance. Until then, it was know as The City Longyear.

It is 2,313km to Oslo from Longyearbyen and just 1,338km to the North Pole.

Not content just to launch a new ship next week - in case you've missed the news, Celebrity Equinox will be named in Southampton next week - Celebrity Cruises has also launched a new on-board programme.

It's all very American, so guess that should really be program - especially as one of the three program categories is Savor. The other two are Discover and Renew.

It sounds very grand but basically it's all about encouraging people to spend lots of money while on board, but cleverly dressed up to sound really special. Never mind. There are some interesting things in among the options. Here are a few examples:

Savor - attend mixology workshops, wine tastings (they call them events but what is wine if you don't taste it?) and cookery classes and competitions.

Discover - learn new languages, listen to lectures on subjects such as history, culture and art, and uncover the secrets of iTunes, Blackberries and Photoshop.

Renew - learn how to keep looking young (by having Botox and the like), keep fit (indoor cycling, personal training) and use things like acupuncture to stave off stress.

Celebrity Life launches on Equinox and will be rolled out to the rest of the fleet by November.

Moon-walker Neil Armstrong is joining Lindblad/National Geographic Journeys on a 26-day expedition cruise to the Antarctic departing November 15.

He'll no doubt have some amazing tales to tell of the time he took that one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind as the ship, National Geographic Explorer, makes its way over Drake's Passage.

As I'm just back from a brilliant Lindblad/National Geographic Journeys cruise in Svalbard, I have no doubt this will be an amazing experience. You can book it here in the UK through Titan Travel. Prices start from £8,998 per person including all flights and overseas and VIP UK airport transfer service.

If you don't fancy getting your chills in Antarctica, there's a Baltic cruise from Copenhagen to St Petersburg departing September 6, with special guests Mikhail Shvydkoi, Russia's former Minister of Culture, and Lech Walesa, Nobel Peace Prize winner and former President of Poland on board.

Prices for this are from £4,448 per person including flights and UK and overseas transfers.

European Waterways is offering a six-week, 1,000-mile journey from Avignon to Amsterdam on the hotel barge Anjodi, which rose to fame a few years back when Rick Stein and his film crew were on board to make a 400-mile French Odyssey for TV.

Stein won't be on this journey, but it sounds as if it'll be pretty good without him, visiting cities such as Lyon, Paris and Cologne, cruising the Rhone, Seine and Rhine and the Canal de Bourgogne (the canal, 150 miles long, with 209 locks, connects the Med to the Atlantic via the Yonne and Seine to the Saône and Rhone). The full itinerary is here.

You'll spend the days cruising, sightseeing and enjoying good food, prepared by the on-board chef, and wine from the regions you are sailing through. And you'll have to do that for six weeks, from November 8 to December 18. How tough is that!

Anjodi is small, with room for just eight passengers in four cabins, and looks lovely with lots of wood panelling and brass. All the accommodation is en-suite with air-conditioning, and there is a sun deck with heated sunken jacuzzi.

Prices start from £15,000 per person including all food, an open bar and excursions. Alternatively, you can charter the vessel for £110,000.

It was good to read a review from, oh dear, an elderly person, giving a personal account of what happened on Marco Polo when the norovirus bug struck earlier this month.

She talks of an "immaculate" ship pre-bug, with a crew that spent their days cleaning and polishing, and says she has nothing but admiration for their patience and understanding after everyone started to get ill.

She mentions their efforts to change bedding, fumigate cabins, make sure no one touched surfaces in the buffet (which was suspended) or around the tea and coffee stations to try to stop the spread, and she has special praise for Richard Sykes, the cruise director, for his efforts to keep everyone informed and organising entertainment and extra activities.

Almost all the comments following, some from people who were also on the ship at the same time, likewise have nothing but praise for the ship, crew and Richard Sykes as well.

People on board Marco Polo when the bug hit were well compensated, it's true - and swiftly, by the sound of it - so they have no grudge to bear, but how refreshing to hear from cruisers prepared to acknowledge the good side of their holiday as well.

Law firm Irwin Mitchell has taken up the case of 17 passengers on a Thomson Spirit cruise in May who were struck down by norovirus.

It's the same-old story. Passengers get ill on a cruise and their holiday is ruined, so they seek compensation. If they are lucky they get a good hand-out - good enough for them to afford another cruise with the same line that have just accused of lacking hygiene standards.

What interested me more when digging around on the Irwin Mitchell site was the following statement by Vivien Sadler from Notttingham on Marco Polo, which was recently so badly hit by norovirus that the cruise had to be cancelled.

A tolerant soul clearly, she has usefully found a way to stop these outbreaks.

"I am extremely upset as it appears they continued to allow elderly people to board the ship despite knowing how vulnerable they are to illnesses such as Norovirus."

So there you are. Ban elderly people because they get ill. Wonder how that will go down at Fred Olsen, Swan Hellenic - and Transocean Tours, which runs Marco Polo for that matter - given "elderly people" are their bread and butter.

Quite fitting really for the Love Boat cruiseline. Except it's not that sort of passion.

For 2010, Princess Cruises is offering a cruise tour that has tickets to the Oberammergau Passion Play, held every 10 years in Oberammergau, Southern Germany.

The Passion Play, which depicts the life and death of Jesus, has been held every 10 years since 1634, performed by the villagers, in thanksgiving for deliverance from the Black Death in 1633. It goes on for so long - about seven hours - that a meal is served in the intermission.

More than 2,000 actors, singers, instrumentalists and technicians take part. They make their own costumes for the production and, as no wigs are used, participants must grow their hair and beards for several months prior to the performances.

It's all very heavy stuff, but the eight-day tour visits some great German cities as well, including Frankfurt, Munich and Berlin, and then connects with a 10-day Scandinavia/Russia cruise on Star Princess. Departures are August 2 and August 12, 2010.

This is what happens when you turn your back on civilisation and go to the Arctic for a few days, cut off from both internet and phone.

A cruiseline names another ship.

This time it was MSC Cruises and the new ship was MSC Splendida, which that master of the understatement chief executive officer Pierfrancisco Vago has branded "the most beautiful ship in the world".

But at least he has admitted he was wrong when giving that moniker to sister ship MSC Fantasia when that was named in Naples in December last year. It would have been pushing it, even for MSC, to have two most beautiful ships in the world.

This is the 10th ship to join the MSC fleet, named as ever by Sophia Loren, but this time it all happened in Barcelona. Next one on the conveyor is MSC Magnifica, which will be named in Hamburg next year - I predict by, you've guessed it, Sophia Loren.

Am I the only one who feels that's getting just a little boring? Are there no other Italian woman up to the job? Maybe we should start a competition? My nomination - Carla Bruni aka Mrs Sarkozy.

The naming actually happened on July 12 but seems the emails via the Arctic so took a little longer to get to me than one would expect (!). Never mind. I liked the pictures so much I had to use them anyway.

Nakheel, the company that bought the QE2, has admittted the ship will be making another final cruise, this time to Cape Town, South Africa, where the ship will be moored at the V&A Waterfront, which is owned by Dubai World, Nakheel's parent company.

It will be put to work as a floating hotel, providing additional accommodation in Cape Town during the 2010 World Cup and much-needed cash for Nakheel, which Maktoob Business reports has been hard hit by the collapse of Dubai's real estate market.

The company itself has put some of its projects, including the Trump Tower, on hold and has retrenched hundreds of staff amid a slump in property sales.

Presumably then Nakheel can't afford to carry through its grandiose plans to turn the 40-year- old ship, for which it paid £50 million, into a seven-star floating hotel. Not at the moment at least.

Manfred Ursprunger, chief executive officer of QE2 Enterprises at Nakheel Hotels said the move to Cape Town is only for 18 months so the next last voyage won't be the last either.

I wonder where it will go next? How about back to Southampton?

I also wonder if they will sell any of these voyages to paying passengers. Imagine if you had paid to be on the last one, from Southampton to Dubai, only to find there is another last one. There would be some very unhappy people out there.

At last, yesterday afternoon, Celebrity Cruises' new ship Celebrity Equinox came into contact with a bottle of Champagne and officially got its name.

"We're not outdoors because this is England," quipped Royal Caribbean Cruises chairman and chief executive officer Richard Fain as he got ready to hand the scissors over to Walk the Walk breast cancer charity founder Nina Borough.

But not before Nina had a chance to say a few words, including "they don't know I am going to do this, but...."

Fain admitted afterwards they are the 10 little words guaranteed to strike terror into his heart as these events are rehearsed to the nth degree. Thanksfully, in the event all she asked was that we hold hands with the people next to us and give the person to the left a hug.

"I've done lots of naming ceremonies but not one where I have held hands with the Captain," a very relieved Fain joked.

But back to the bottle. England's weather did not let us down. As we were warm and dry in the ship's theatre, outside it was raining and blowing.

It meant we had to watch the bottle smash on a big screen, which is a clever trick the cruiselines have learned to love as it means no one really knows what they are watching (was it recorded earlier?) and makes "the bottle didn't break" stories so much harder to write.

"It was all live and the bottle did smash," I was assured afterwards. I'm less convinced about the bit about the pink ribbon stretching all the way from the theatre to the Champagne on the top deck.

The ribbon was delivered to the stage by this aerial acrobatic-ist - that bit was true as I had to vacate my seat so she could take off and land again! - and it was supposed to be like a domino. Once cut, the ribbon would relax and the bottle break.

Well, it sounded good!

Celebrity Cruises' new ship Celebrity Equinox might still be in its inaugural mode - the first proper cruise with real passengers departs from Southampton to the Norwegian fjords on Friday - but it is feeling like an old friend to me.

I was on board for the conveyance down the River Ems in June, joined a one-night cruise to nowhere last Sunday night, when the great and the good from the world of cruising were on for the annual Passenger Shipping Association bash, sorry dinner, and embarked again yesterday for the naming ceremony.

And on top of that, I spent three nights on sister ship Celebrity Solstice last year when that was coming out of the shipyard and at launch time.

Did I say sister? These babies are more like identical twins. True, the art work is different and there are a few design tweaks here and there but you need sharp eyes to spot them. It makes my life very easy as after so many times on board I always know where I am going. Well almost always.

Coming on these three times means I have been able to hop between cabins (but never a suite unfortunately), which has been a good way to see some of the differences.

For the conveyance I was in a deluxe balcony cabin, on Sunday I had an aft-end balcony cabin, which was a little bigger and had the additional attraction (for me) of having the bed by the balcony. I just love sitting in bed and watching the sea go by. Well I like the idea; sadly I never seem to have time to do it!

   This time I'm in one of the AquaSpa cabins, which comes with a few little extras, including the three lotions and potions at the front of the tray (lip balm, facial mist and foot spray), horizontal massage jets in the shower, a pillow menu and free and unlimited access to the thermal suite.

For a 10-night Eastern Med flycruise this cabin would cost £1,746 per person, while a deluxe balcony, which is the same size but without the extras, is £1,524 - a difference of £222 per person.

I'll let you judge if it's worth the higher price tag, but should also add that if this was a normal cruise I'd have a table reserved in Blu, the healthy food restaurant, instead of having to dine in the main dining room. I'm dining there tonight so I'll let you know what it's like tomorrow.

Happily, someone up there heard me and allocated me an AquaSpa cabin with the bed by the balcony, but it is pure chance which way around your stateroom is because beds alternate between being by the balcony and by the door.

That's not because the designers were trying to be clever, but because the cabin has to be wider around the end of the bed so you can get around it. So where one room bulges out, the next door accommodation has to be narrower, and so on down the corridor.

Complicated or what? I can't help thinking it would have been easier just to make all the cabins a tad wider in the first place! Of course, that does mean fewer bods on beds and less revenue.  

This might be of interest for anyone yet to book a cruise this year.

Norwegian Cruise Line has launched a sale offering not just a few healthy savings on cruises themselves, but also up to $150 credit to spend on board as well.

It's not a huge amount given the poor exchange rate it's true, but as a supermarket insists on telling us, "Every little helps".

The sale goes on until the end of August, but you'll have to move quick to get the spending money as that's only available when you book through a travel agent before the end of July. And that's on Friday!

There are sale tags on cruises in the Caribbean, Mediterranean, Panama and South America, with up to £830 per person off a 14-night Caribbean Panoramas sailing in December from Miami. The price now is from £1,479 excluding flights.

You can also get £370 per person off a seven-night Western Med cruise in November from Barcelona. It's now £539 per person, or £77 a day and for that you get the flight as well.

If you read the Berlitz cruise guide, you'll have heard of Europa, the only ship author Doug Ward reckons merits a five-star-plus rating.

Now you can find out if you agree as German owner Hapag-Lloyd is offering its first bilingual mini-cruise on Europa next year.

It's one of seven bilingual cruises on the ship in 2010 - part of the company's strategy to get more Brits on board - and usefully it's just Monte Carlo to Monte Carlo so you don't have to travel too far to see if you like it. Departure is October 6 and it costs £1,413 per person.

That's a rather eye-watering £350 per day, which doesn't even include the flight, but you can help yourself to free soft drinks and beer from your minibar.

As an interesting aside, yesterday I was talking to Silversea about a 10-night cruise from Cape Town next January that costs £2,438 per person - £244 a day - including flights, all drinks and gratuities.

Your choice.

If I had one criticism of Swan Hellenic on my last cruise with them it was that most of the lectures were just a bit, how can I say this, dull.

Presented by highly-qualified "ology" types who are very learned in their field for sure but generally lacking a little light and dark.

Now what do they do, but bring on someone else with an "ology"?

Well sort of. Actually it's Maureen Lipman, aka the Jewish granny in the BT TV ad "You got an ology?". Apparently as "massive" Swan fan, she'll be on the 15-day In the Footsteps of Alexander the Great cruise (from £1,695 per person) departing October 3 from Istanbul to Alexandria and regaling passengers with tales of her life and work.

Don't think there will be too many nodding heads for those talks.

Nothing to do with having a miserable weather or being feasted on by mozzies in the Scottish highlands and islands, but everything to do with Hebridean International Cruises, which went into administration earlier this year.

Mundy Cruising, one of the top creditors of the failed company, has put together a top-10-tips booklet ostensibly to help Hebridean fans get over the demise of their favourite cruiseline but to try to win a few bookings from people who missed their cruise when the line collapsed.

Tips three to nine are suggestions of other small cruiselines that might appeal, starting with Noble Caledonia's Island Sky, a sister ship to Hebridean Spirit, which Hebridean International sold off just before its demise.

Next comes Orion Expedition Cruises, an Australian-based cruiseline that sails around the Kimberley region of Oz, Papua New Guinea and Antarctica. Coincidentally, an Australian couple of my cruise in Svalbard had been on Orion and loved it.

With luck I'm meeting the lady behind Orion in a couple of weeks so I'll be able to tell you more about it.

Others selected by Mundy include Cruise West, Yachts of Seabourn's three small sisters, Viking River Cruises, Windstar Cruises two 147-passenger ships and SeaDream Yacht Club.

Interestingly, the one cruiseline not mentioned is the phoenix-like Hebridean, which was acquired by All Leisure Group, lock, stock and one ship, Hebridean Princess, and renamed Hebridean Island Cruises.

The tiny Princess, with room for just 49 passengers, is still cruising the Scottish islands from Oban, offering cruises with drinks, excursions and gratuities included in the price.

Personally the Princess itineraries aren't as interesting as those on the Spirit, which sailed to some exciting and exotic parts of the world, but surely it's still an option for anyone in need of a Hebridean fix?